Out of Kilter Home

Brazen cleavage to die for

December 3, 2018
By Ken Carpenter

Plumbers all over the world have had to live with a stigma of their occupation for decades. This condition is caused when a fellow, or a female for that matter, possibly but not necessarily of a portly persuasion, bends over to look under the sink or pick up a tool.

This act often causes their overworked t-shirt to pull up and reveal a sight that, were it to be condensed and transferred to another part of the body, might be mistaken for what is commonly called cleavage.

Unlike the garden-variety cleavage that is flashed in an effort to sell every product under the sun, plumber cleavage should be an unlikely candidate to advertise anything.

In a world with a shred of decency that would be the case, but of course the world we live in keeps its shreds a safe distance away from those who might be tempted by them.

On a typical day of work, play and an average amount of TV watching it becomes very clear that flashing a few inches of "P.C." has become a very fashionable thing to do. You can’t go to the store without being subjected to numerous sets of brazenly low-slung pairs of jeans that are just dying for a funnel and a bottle of seltzer water.

They rarely belong to a plumber.

It has clearly been an unfair assumption by the masses that plumbers have a monopoly on unsightly crevasses. It is too bad they didn’t copyright it, but who in their right mind could foresee such a loathsome sight becoming trendy.

Hmmmmm, maybe I should copyright belly button lint, you never know. Nah, Roseanne Barr probably already has that covered.

The advertising and fashion worlds will leave no stones unturned in their thirst for a few more sales, and common decency does not enter into the equation. As morals grow ever more lax we are liable to see anything become acceptable, and I dread to think what sights await us five years from now.

Body paint instead of clothes anybody? I have two words in response to that thought; Roseanne Barr.

I am no prude by any stretch of the imagination, but there are some things that should be left to the individual mind to consider. The fleshy valley at the top of a rear end is one of them, no matter what the size, age or condition of the attached caboose may be.

Well, to be perfectly honest, some aren’t so bad if they are part of an exceptionally well formed package.

But you can rest assured that you will not see me wearing my pants halfway down my bottom, no matter how popular that habit becomes. Unless I have some work to do under the sink, of course.

A guy just feels obligated to put on an unsightly display when he has to play plumber.

© Ken Carpenter and Kootenai Valley Times
P.O. Box 1625
Bonners Ferry, ID 83806
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